I think about Tomas every single day of my life.
I have tried to carry on with my life and live as normal a life as possible but it is very hard to do so and I don’t really think my life will ever go back to being normal.
I think about Tomas at different times of the day and sometimes find myself thinking about him in the middle of the night also.
When I think about him I feel a mix of upset and anger.
Not anger at who punched him but anger at the fact he is no longer with us.
I do not blame the person who punched him because I realise that it takes two people to be involved in something like this but it doesn’t stop me thinking that what happened isn’t fair and that it isn’t fair that Tomas was killed in such a way.
I still find myself feeling disbelief that Tomas is dead and that I won’t see him again.
Sometimes I think he has just gone away travelling and that I will see him when he gets back but then I realise he isn’t coming back and it hurts.
I don’t think myself or my family will ever get over what has happened.
l sometimes think about whether I should have gone out with him that night and that if I did then this wouldn’t have happened and Tomas would still have been with us. But I know this is a silly thing to think as this could have happened at any time.
This whole awful period of my life has made me realise just how important my family are to me and also my friends. I want to spend as much time as possible with the people who are important to me.
My parents came over to England to see Tomas in the mortuary at Bedford Hospital in the days after he had died.
They only came to England for about 24 hours as they felt they needed to see him one last time.
It cost them a lot of money to come over and see him but they didn’t feel like they had a choice.
I was with them when they saw him and both my parents were so upset in a way I have never seen them before.
My dad said he hardly remembers anything from the time with Tomas in the hospital and that it was all a blur.
I also remember that my mother almost fainted whilst we were there. Despite it being such an upsetting experience for my parents I felt glad that they were able to see Tomas and say goodbye to him.
What was really hard for them also was being told that Tomas couldn’t come home to Lithuania straight away due to the procedures involved.
My parents and I understood things needed to be done but we all felt that we just wanted him home. I don’t think my parents could truly move on whilst they were waiting for Tomas to come home to them.
When I finally took him back to Lithuania we had a funeral at home where people told stories about Tomas and what he was like. It was a very sad day but I think it helped my parents begin to move on with their lives.
My parents have been offered the chance to speak about their feelings but I think they find it too difficult to talk about.
They care about what happens in the trial but don’t want to be involved in any way.
I think it upsets them too much to talk about Tomas and they just want to try to start living their lives again.
I miss spending time with Tomas.
When we were younger the age gap meant we weren’t really close but as you get older this gap seems to get smaller and we had more things in common and spent more time together.
Tomas also loved being an uncle and spending time with my son.
I miss him coming round for a beer or playing sport together.
I also feel sad that my son won’t grow up knowing his uncle and getting to know him.
I will make sure I tell my son about Tomas and describe what he was like.
This is the victim personal statement, written by Vaidas Juska, brother of Tomas Juska