16 Days of Action: Mother of domestic abuse victim shares her daughter’s story

Trigger Warning: This article contains themes of domestic abuse, suicide and depression. If you are affected by anything in this story please follow the links for support.

Tracy Watts shares a story of abuse and loss after her daughter Lisa took her own life in April 2019.

Lisa was a super strong, confident woman who loved her children more than anything. She was the type of person who would brighten up the room the moment she entered. When she was younger she was a tomboy and grew into a beautiful young woman. She was an amazing mum, before she met her abusive partner she had three children from her previous relationship, and they were the love of her life. She always put her children first and worked hard to provide for them and give them a good home.

Read more

She was a hardworking person and everything she had she worked for herself. She always wanted to learn to drive and buy her own car. She and her children had a full and happy life, going on holidays twice a year. She had a vibrant social life and a group of close friends.

Lisa was very much a family person and we would often spend weekends together.

But everything changed when she started seeing a new man. 

We don’t know where he came from but it was almost like he appeared from nowhere and moved into her place straight away. He didn’t work. The two years they were together were very difficult with many ups and downs.

In that time, she went from an outgoing, happy and beautiful woman to a shadow of herself. Her mental health began declining the moment they met.  He made Lisa vulnerable, using the vulnerabilities to exploit and manipulate her and her life.

The signs were there. She began to distance herself from me, her family and friends and we saw less and less of her. I saw bruises on her body but she always had an excuse for them, she covered for him and didn’t admit the abuse.

He would call her names, slowly chipping away at her confidence, making her believe she was ugly and worthless.

With time the abuse began escalating from emotional manipulation to serious assaults resulting in injuries which would take her to hospital.

Even then she would cover for him and when police were at her home she asked them to turn their body worn cameras off.

After the birth of their daughter, his behaviour changed however that didn’t last long and the abuse continued.

Then she attended domestic abuse workshops at the Freedom Programme, she began to open her eyes about what was happening and better recognise abusive patterns.

After a while Lisa managed to gather enough courage and strength to break off their relationship. That was where the threats started. He would keep asking to see her even after she would say no to him numerous times.

He relentlessly messaged her and knew exactly what to say, lulled her into false sense of security by lying and making promises he never kept.

The final straw happened on 5 December 2018. Lisa agreed to meet with him, but he began accusing her of seeing other men and assaulted her at a local hotel in Bedford. This assault was well documented on CCTV and with multiple witnesses present. He was arrested and charged with the offences, but pleaded not guilty at court.

After that assault Lisa’s declining mental health as a result of the toxic relationship, led to a decision for her children to be taken away from her.

We will never know exactly what pushed her to taking her own life. All we know is that at the time she was suffering immensely due to being separated from her children and left messages about not being able to live without them. Her self-worth was extremely low due to the years of abuse. 

She took her own life just days before the original court date was scheduled.

After her death the case was postponed numerous times for various reasons but the police, and especially Detective Sergeant Darren Armitage, never gave up and were adamant to bring him to justice even after Lisa passed away. I cannot thank them enough, the support and professionalism of police officers involved in this case is something I will always praise.

The abuser maintained his innocence through all these years and made us go through the pain of the trial. He was found guilty by a jury of causing grievous bodily harm without intent and received a two-year suspended sentence on 1 October 2021.

Lisa’s death made a ripple effect across many organisations including the police who changed and reinforced their policies following the inquest and its findings, such as preventing contact between abusers in custody and prison and their victims.

Sometimes I ask myself what could I have done to change what happened, or if there is anything anyone could have done.

Lisa was a beautiful, strong woman and she is no longer with us. Our entire family has been torn apart by her passing. I have lost a beautiful daughter and my grandchildren lost their mum.

I want to share her story with hope that it will give enough strength to anyone experiencing abuse at the hands of their partners. You are worth more than that, you are important and you deserve to live your life without abuse.

The first step is the most difficult, if you are living in fear, under emotional or physical abuse, pick up the phone to organisations that support victims of domestic abuse and will help you make strategies to get out. Help from specialists and the police is available. It will take time and it won’t be easy, but I can promise you it will be worth it.

I want to bring up my grandchildren to be strong and teach them that if a person really loves you they will never hurt you. Most importantly they would never ask you to lie for them to your family, friends or police. And that’s also a message I want to pass to anyone who is reading my story.

I hope our story will help anyone out there who is struggling with abuse or mental health issues and if it saves even one person it will be a legacy which Lisa would be immensely proud of.

If you were affected by Tracy’s story, remember there is support available.

Mental health crisis support for all ages is available 24 hours a day every day across Bedfordshire and Luton by contacting NHS 111 (option 2) or the Samaritans on 116 123 (freephone).

If you are a victim of domestic abuse you can contact Signpost for Bedfordshire, which offers free and confidential support regardless if the crime was reported to the police.

There is a number of support organisations which you can contact by phone or online. Visit Bedfordshire Police’s website for full list https://www.bedfordshire.police.uk/information-and-services/Crime/Domestic-abuse/Domestic-abuse

If you have concerns about your partner you might be eligible to ask the police about their past through the Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme, also known as Clare’s Law. Visit Bedfordshire Police’s website to read more and submit an application – https://www.bedfordshire.police.uk/apply/Clares-Law/Clares-law-Disclosure-Scheme.

If you are having thoughts about harming yourself do not suffer in silence contact Samaritans for free on 116 123. In emergency call 999 or go to the nearest A&E department.

14 thoughts on “16 Days of Action: Mother of domestic abuse victim shares her daughter’s story

  1. Helen 10 December, 2021 / 3:21 pm

    Brave mum telling her daughters story I’m in a similar situation with my daughter in and out of abusive relationship cutting her off making her feel worthless so this makes her vulnerable to him and his toxic ways I’m hoping things change we have tried everything well done for putting this out there can happen to anyone child no matter their age
    Sorry you had to lose your beautiful girl x

    Like

    • bedspolice 10 December, 2021 / 3:51 pm

      Thank you so much for your comment Helen

      Like

    • Tracy 11 December, 2021 / 4:01 pm

      Lovely lady Lisa💕.lived near me very sad. I hope this helps people out there suffering the same. Get help get out get away. Seding love to Lisa family and children xx

      Like

  2. Vick 10 December, 2021 / 4:08 pm

    After years of abuse in my previous relationship it takes great courage to move forward and move out of that space but the metal abuse continues far beyond the time you move out that relationship . Your personal feelings and decisions about yourself are milder to what you have been conditioned to learn . There needs to be changes in the attitudes in ALL areas . Men need to be educated along with women this chain will never be broken

    Like

  3. Kayleigh 10 December, 2021 / 7:41 pm

    My friend, now an angel. No one will ever forget you and no one will ever forgive him. You were there for me when I was in a similar situation, I just wish I could have done the same for you. Love you forever and aways.

    Like

  4. Harry 11 December, 2021 / 7:27 am

    Well done to the police….such a sad story….really feel for all family….

    But once again cps need to realise when they giving a lenient sentence…2 years suspended sentence? A joke….
    Whilst the family have lifetime of grief and rebuilding….

    Like

  5. Forever Mournful 11 December, 2021 / 10:03 am

    I’ll still be haunted from you reaching out days before and I just happened to miss it. I hope men like him never have another restful night again.
    The law is too soft on life takers, something I know all too well.
    You’ll always be missed, my whopping whoosh, and teaching me to dance and helped me be who I am today.
    Still hear your voice, I only wish I’d heard it more, to your Mum you are brave and a rock beyond words to turn the pain into a pathway for others to escape their abusers and see another way.
    I wish you all the best and peace wherever you can find it and have come to you.
    Always remembered never forgotten.

    Like

  6. Carolgraham 11 December, 2021 / 6:48 pm

    Thank you very for sharing..which must of been incredibly hard for all the family…such a besutiful lady..

    Like

  7. Tp 11 December, 2021 / 8:34 pm

    I’m in a relationship we’re he is abusive not just towards Me but my daughter, he calls her a c*** snowflake names that hurt he screams at me
    Controls my life money, been 9 years he a beer drinker gets drunk and abusive I’ve recorded some so If anything I’ve 100% proof
    I read a lot like this poor beautiful lady & I think leave go save ur self but here is me stuck I can’t tell my self to go run save ur self & Ur kids, think u get to the point ur worthless who would want u & u don’t wanna be lonely ether, my heart goes out to this lady really does I’ve been through wanting to end all, but I keep fighting

    Liked by 1 person

  8. . 11 December, 2021 / 10:37 pm

    Thank you for sharing your story and so very sorry for your loss.
    How do I get help for my brother who we strongly believe is also a victim. So much of what is written above sounds all too familiar but he’s cut us all off.

    Like

  9. lisastorey3457267 17 December, 2021 / 5:02 am

    I was in a dv relationship for 22 years I left 3 years ago wat he done will b with me for the rest of my life I still have my front teeth missing and can’t afford them replaced to give an honest smile of hell everytime I look in s mirror he only got community service and claims pip for being an alcoholic
    I was the one who got fined and pushed into pleading not quilty cause I hit him with my mobile phone cause he tried to have intercourse with me after I’d had a procedure down below he even was allowed to b my character witness and said I wasn’t in the right frame of mind
    I support any man or woman who goes threw this horrible time ,I came close many times to ending my life and had my leg amputated and lost my mom within months
    I’m still here even tho I shouldn’t b
    Stand up get out ,don’t look back and b strong ❤

    Like

    • rebeccabedspol 17 December, 2021 / 11:17 am

      Thanks for sharing your story

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s